you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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