he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
