I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you will always have a special place in my vag
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
