I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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