This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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