He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
