She is in my trunk
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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