I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
