I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
