Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
