I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
