That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
