my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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