they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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