I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
