remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
