I seem to have left my pride at pride
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
