Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize