Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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