I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
