yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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