I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
