o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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