I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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