Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
