im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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