I'm so fucking centered right now
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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