We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize