Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(318): View more from Louisiana

i was rollin on her like bob the builder

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(201): View more from New Jersey

even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile

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(407): View more from Florida

At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.

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(310): View more from California

Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.

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(503): View more from Oregon

we need to find an occasion to wear tutus

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(503): View more from Oregon

Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery

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(203): View more from Connecticut

He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.

(203): View more from Connecticut

He's like a mythological figure

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