if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
