Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
