I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
