Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize