Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
