I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
