Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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