Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
