Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
