i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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