omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
