So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
