I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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