Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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