I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
