did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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