the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hippo gnu deer
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
