I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize