i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
