The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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