fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
