AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
