Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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