So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
