she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
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