I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
