We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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