All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize