My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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