So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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