Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
