i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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