dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
