i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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