we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
