My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
