ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
