how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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