All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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