Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
